I woke up this morning to an all too familiar smell.

Fed seems to just lay where he's at when he feels the call of nature. I guess it's easier for him. His arthritis must be worse in the mornings or anytime after a long rest.

Yet when I get out of bed he's suddenly all smiles and has an urgent need to go outside, his tail wagging the way it always has, an almost puppy-like enthusiasm about his day. He even gets a little skip in his creaky old step, and about five minutes into yard patrol he is ready to come back in. A dog that hardly ever made a sound his whole life now commences with his old man-dog bark, a high pitched, annoying squawk that it seems he never tires of. So I open the door for him, waiting as he makes his way up the steps. Of course, as usual, he's just happy to be back inside.

I've noticed he seems to hover, standing to watch as I do things, as if he's going to miss something. I imagine that's because he's nearly blind, trying to see things that he used to see so clearly.

Sin isn't allowed around him anymore; he's just too rough with him. One day when Sin got away from me, he barreled into Federal like a steam engine, and from the yelp I heard and the way Fed hit the ground I thought for sure he'd hurt him. I wanted to kill Sin for that, even though all he wanted was to play. Luckily Fed wasn't hurt as bad as it seemed.


He will be fourteen on Valentine's day, and I honestly don't think it will be much longer than that. Some days he just looks up at me, looking tired and so frail, but he manages to stand when I talk to him.

Isn't it amazing how you can love a creature so much?
posted by Wanting at 9:04 AM